Autumn Night

 photo by Maximilian R

Autumn Night

The hands on the clock hit 1:00 AM, and you still sit alone.

Even though your eyes are tired, you refuse to close them, your mind stubbornly resists sleep. You pull the hood over your head, letting it fall back onto the headrest as you gaze upward, tired eyes half open. Idly, your fingers tap the arm of the chair, your mind wanders.

Close your eyes, listen to the wind outside; it whispers something, some sort of promise you want to know. With a sudden urge, you stand, break free, forget the darkness behind you. You take your coat, and as you step out into the night, the light you're looking for isn't there. As you walk down lonely streets, neon lights reflecting in pools of collected water, you feel the cold creeping down your spine, biting your exposed face. Where's the light? Night seems to be the safest time to wander... no one will see you, no one will recognize you. The safest, but the darkest; the coldest. A sharp wind blows the fringe of your auborn hair back as you stand alone on an abandoned street, dry leaves let go of their branches, falling to the ground with a last sigh. You feel a rain drop touch your cheek, and you look up to the expressionless sky, holding out your hand. One after another, they begin to fall, but you don't care. You feel numb. Slowly you walk, aimlessly, with no direction. Where were your friends? They are still blinking in that bright light. It hits you - what light? It's bright, very bright, but at the same time, it's dark.

This darkness is so cold, so lonely. You feel it touch your bones, your soul. Something inside of you gives, and that beaming smile that was once on your face can't cover the tears that build inside, the fear. You pass the sleeve of your coat over your weary eyes, brushing the warm tears away. Where is that light? Where's that light you want to find? Look around, my dear boy - it's written in your very bones. Turn around, realize why this has happened to you; the answer is in that Book back at your house. It's sitting there by your bed, under that magazine; go pick it up. You've read it so many times, but you don't understand it. You've prayed, but not with faith. Give it all over - let your pride die and bow.

The sound of crushing metal and the sickening thump under the car fill your ears; the sight of shattering glass, the damp, rainy night that it happened - realize why. The answer is there, in that Book.

You take in the freezing air; it burns your lungs. The light you want to find burns your heart.

A car passes by, the headlights glare into your eyes, blinding you for a split second. Something inside likes that darkness, the other screams in fear of the cold. You're standing alone, you need more than yourself; realize you can't do it. Give it all to Him.

The clock tiks on, and your heart keeps burning.

An Autumn night, 1:30 AM. 



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