Friday, July 29, 2011

Emotion in a Picture

Photo from Google Images
One photo can communicate so many emotions. Like this one.
How many can you count in this one? Here's what I see...
I see an atmosphere that is full of feeling, full of drama. I see a mixture of sadness and coldness, but I see the warm glow of a feeling inside, and the moment lost in a kiss by the couple in the street.
I was searching for a picture that describes my mood right now, and I found it. This is it. There's a mix of a lot of things here. That's generally how I am, as any friend of mine will tell you. ^.^

I feel like this photo. If my emotions were a picture, this would be it.
Here I am.

- Hannah

Lord, thank you for this day... it was a long day, but a fairly good one.
Your mercy is always on me - even though I often ignore it.
I'm not sure what You're working in me, but I often get the feeling that it's something great.
I pray for people that are there, for people that are close but far away, far away but close. My heart is very full.

Thank You... I love You.
Sometimes embers are dying, and I need to see some glow, but always, Your grace is sufficient for me.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Birthday Bash

I'm officially 17! Last night we took pictures like we do every year, so, here they are. :)
This morning my CD player went off at 5:20, and I immediately got up. As the music began playing, it brought me out of sleep and I rolled over in my pile of pillows and blankets, blinking in the dark. As habit, I stretched, rolled over again, and plopped my head on the pillow next to the rail so that I was looking down on my room. The clock glowed red. Right on time. I smiled to myself, trying to remember the nice thoughts I went to sleep with. Sitting up, I laughed quietly, falling over again on my face.
"Ah... I love my bed."
I made myself get up, walked around my room in the dark. In an hour, I'd be 17. I meandered into the bathroom and removed the dark makeup smears under my eyes. I MUST start doing this before I go to bed! ^.^
Walking into the kitchen, everything was still dark, the house was quiet, and the floor creaked in various places as I walked across it. Everyone was still asleep. Quietly, I walked to the back door and stepped out into the cool morning.
The sky was a deep blue, and the stars were still out. The moon was just coming up through the trees. I could see the big black orb, with a tiny slit of moonlight gleaming behind it. I stood there, breathing in the crisp, clean air, listening to all of the sounds. I smiled again, praying quietly about the day and people I love.
Going back inside, I got my coffee, stirred in the creamer, and quietly slipped into mom's bathroom to shower.
It was still dark when I finished, and as I walked out of the bathroom, mom said from the dark room, "Happy Birthday, Hannah." I smiled as I walked by. "Thanks."
I spent the remainder of my time in my room, thinking, praying, and, thinking again. ^.^ Then the phone rang. It was two minutes before 6:30. My best friend!
I stepped outside, and by now the sun was rising. I got to talk to her and watch the sun glow red, rising through the mist, and I turned 17 while I was talking to her. It was very nice. We got to brainstorm about my story, Cafe, and came to these conclusions:
1. We love characters most when we beat them up and put the "happy, smiley" guy in a dire situation.
2. We found that we can brainstorm best in the mornings.
3. The "small but beautiful" are the most amazing.
4. And we came to the conclusion that we can "Edit, but don't delete!" ourselves. ^.^
It was very nice. I enjoyed it very much!

After that, dad and I went to breakfast and enjoyed ourselves, and from there on, it was just slow. My friend Kayla of 8 years came over and we chatted. It was a nice, slow day.
Thanks for the birthday wishes!!!

- Hannah

Happy Birthday to Meeeeee!!!

Today's my Birthday!
This post is scheduled to launch at 6:28 in the morning - two minutes before I was born. I'm seventeen. I'm already seventeen. Today's the day. I honestly can't believe it.
Ah, I will have been up for an hour right now, since 5:30, thinking about my life, and what I need to do in this year. Any moment, my Best Friend will call me and wish me well. I'll be happy to hear her voice this year, like I did last.
I will have already heard my mom's voice, probably, and a sweet, "Happy Birthday, Han!" from my dear bro. My dad will be up soon, and we'll go to breakfast together, like we do every year.
Today's my Birthday, and I'm going to enjoy it. Thursday, July 28, 2011, will never happen again. It's only here, at this moment. And I will love it and remember it.

My life is so big! My God is so big! He's kept my insane self alive for 17 years, and here I am! I'm so blessed... you've no idea how much. My family, sometimes crazy, my amazing friends, the people I know, the people I have yet to meet and pray for.
For the last 20 days of my 16, I've been writing the days out in my journal - I'll go back and read them, and smile at some of my exasperated entries.

Life is so good - and I wonder, I wonder! what lies ahead. Who's gonna be in my life? Where will I go? EEK! The thought of it thrills and scares me all at the same time!
I've grown a lot in 16. I can safely say that without it being bragging. And it's all to His glory. He's using me, I can see that, and I'm humbled hugely to see it.

Life is like a puzzle. It sometimes seems like all those thousands of pieces won't fit... but in the end, they do! And only He knows how to put it together.

And here's what I say to this year, last year, and all the years to come:
Pray for the impossible, because with God, ALL things are possible!
I've come to see this in a big way - things I thought were impossible, have and are coming to reality.

Thank you all for the best Birthday wishes, and I hope I can continue to type away on this dear ol' blog of mine, encouraging, laughing, and crying all along the way!

- Hannah Leigh

Happiness, Sadness, Tears...
Skies, Stars, all in,
My Heaven 


Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Last Day of 16!!!

Photo from Google Images 
Text by me!
Here it is! The last day of 16. Already. I can't believe it! I've already scheduled my Birthday Post to go out tomorrow morning at 6:28, two minutes before I was born.
Ah... life's good.
Things have been crazy lately! A lot of big stuff happening in my last few days of sweet and sour sixteen. Yipes. But, I love it!
And you're probably wondering about the above photo - that's my cover for the new book I'm staring soon, "Cafe"!
I'm so excited about it! With the skillful help of my dear friends, it's beginning. Yay!

God is so good - you've no idea. I've no idea. But, He is! He's awesome!

Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes!
To you, Sweet and Sour Sixteen, I say goodbye. Even though it's a little sad, I'm happy to move on!

"Sixteen, like the warm summer sunlight, age sixteen will not last. We have to move on, find a new direction, and follow it to our future."

- Hannah

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Flow of Thoughts

So far away... very far away. So far, but so close.
It's emotion, and it's spinning all around me. Day by day - so far away.
Life is complicated, but beautiful at the same time. I fall back against my floor and go into a lapse of thought - very deep into thought, my mind spinning. Why is the light so bright today? Why are the noises so loud? Why does my head hurt?
Hurting voices tear through my head, singing from the soul, and I wonder how people can pretend to be happy, when inside, they're hurting and wondering, even if they won't admit it.
I look outside the window and see the blue tinted evening. The sun is gone, leaving behind dim lights. Everything looks ghostly. The clouds in the distance, towering high, high in the sky, are highlighted by golds and pinks. The day's come to an end. A new one starts tomorrow.
Day by day, I wonder why. Day by day, I pray again and again.
I remember.
Sometimes I'm so happy I can't stand it - I want to tear out the door into the grass, run, run, yell, spin, laugh. Other times my heart is heavy. I think. I just sit, think. Wonder.
I'm sitting here and I smile faintly. You're wonderful.

Because He's good to me, I have to trust... even though I don't know what happens. I have to. Even when I wonder why. Even though I fight and say, "It's too dark! Show me!" But I have to let Him lead me.

And these are the mess of thoughts flying through my head. I've simply let my fingers type the way. I apologize for the rambling. It may not make sense... but it does. Isn't that the way life goes most of the time?

A strong voice. And I say goodbye.

- Hannah

Monday, July 25, 2011

Things on My Mind

Yes... lots of things. Lots and lots of things. :)
There's only three more days until I turn 17. I told mom that I'm going to get up at 5:30 Thursday morning so that I'd have an hour to contemplate my life before my age turns. ^.^ I do these things. ^.^
Life's been very interesting lately - lots of stuff going on. I'm surprised at how much in my last week of 16! It's as if I'm hit with a bunch of big things just at this time.
The above photo is one I set up on a timer - this is my thinking spot. It's up at the barn, and yeah, it looks kinda uncomfortable, but it's actually very nice. :) I sit there every time I go to the barn. My thinking spot.

I was talking to a friend recently about having different faces for different people - it's a lie, and it's wrong. I mean, we all have a different show all the time for one reason or another; for example, we're more well behaved around other people than we are at home. However, when it gets to the point of a blunt lie, to where people can't tell the difference as to what's real and what's not, it's a problem. A line in a song comes to mind:
"I'm so sorry, but I love you - I just can't lie."
This could be taken two ways: I love you too much, so I'm not going to lie, or, I can't lie about loving you. I like to take it the first way.... we should love those around us too much to lie to them. It's doing them a harm - even if they deserve it, we shouldn't lie.

God's giving me such huge things to do. I feel slightly overwhelmed. But, they're good things. They're things He wants me to do and He thinks are good for me.
"Only if you want to can you seize the day, only if you want to will you fly away" - the lyrics from Enya's song Only If are playing. Only if you want to...
there's so many opportunities we miss because we're being selfish. Let's face it - we can do almost anything if we really want to. Which means we can do what God's called us to do - no matter how big.
Yesterday at church, I had a really good time with my friends - and one nailed how I was feeling. I was walking up and down the alley to the side of our church, taking it all in so that I'd describe it well in my book. I was in a strange mood. Very thoughtful. My friend came up and commented after I stated this, that I was in more of a 'melancholy ' mood. You know what? He was right. :) The definition: "A feeling of thoughtful sadness".

There's so many people in my life, and I love them all... some of them are brothers and sisters in Christ, and some of them need Him - and I pray for them. Very hard. Some are baby Christians, others are mature Christians that I look up to for advice, and others are right on my level, and we walk together.
My Best Friend mentioned the other day, while we were chatting about being 17, that we'd met when we were 14; she comments, "We've practically grown up together!" And she's right, in a lot of ways - no, we didn't know each other as babies, but, looking back, it almost seems like these have been the most important years. We've been together for our important years, and those years aren't over yet. (Of course, I'm not dismissing that the REALLY important years are the ones your parents spend teaching you the way you should go!) I'm just saying that the emotional years are the ones we've been together - and for me, the very important ones.
Sometimes, things that seem very small are the things that are very big to me. The call of a friend in need, the writing of a letter that I think is the most important I've written, the laughter of being with people you love, the dreams, the moments where everything's perfect, the times where God gives me a nudge and I know what He wants me to do... all of these things are the 'big' things for me.

I'm a happy girl, one with a lot of crazy, crazy, CRAZY emotions, but one that loves life and her Lord, and one that loves to be here for her friends and her family - yeah, one that can be a brat and a horrible person - but one that's saved by grace, through faith, in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Here's my response to all of this:

- Hannah

The Words I Would Say

I'm not sure about the group that did this song... but it seems very appropriate to the things that are in my heart to a dear friend. To lots of friends...
And to you, these are the words that I'd say....