Friday, July 13, 2012
The Day is Quiet
Today is quiet.
Very quiet, compared to the laughs and conversation last night.
It's overcast and foggy; there's a slight chill in the damp air.
This is my kind of day.
A day where I want to sit with my thoughts and try to figure people out. Try to figure *me* out.
My mom asked me if I knew who I was this morning. I stared at her blankly, and decided on a 'yes'. Sure, I know myself far better than most people... but you never *really* know yourself. God knows you better than you know you. I think that's one of the reasons He gave us these quiet days. To sit and figure ourselves out.
Now, I'm not trying to move into some sort of 'new age' thing or some mystical 'know yourself to know God'... no. Absolutely not. I don't believe in that at all. I do, however, think that when we think about ourselves, we realize more and more how terrible we are, and therefore, rely on God's grace more everyday.
I'm on day 5 of 20 in my last couple of weeks of 17, and it's been interesting to write every evening, and then pull out last year's journal and read through what my thoughts were 365 days ago. So far, this year's thoughts are far more interesting and exciting. ^_^
Stop and think about who you are today. Try to view you as other people would.
I picked up my oooold 2006-2009 journal the other day and was flipping through it, practically ashamed and embarrassed at my immaturity and 'princess fever'. I then became even more embarrassed when I read some of the mean things I had written about someone that I *hated* at the time. Last night, I apologized to them. They were over at my house, and while talking with them and hearing them laugh, I felt regretful, and had to say something - anything - to try to make it better. They laughed quietly and said,
"If I don't remember it, it probably doesn't matter."
"But I *do* remember it, and it matters to me. I needed to say 'I'm sorry'."
Read yourself. If you have a journal, go through it and find what needs fixing. For me, it was the hateful things I had said about someone. And I'm sure I'll look back several years from now on 2012, and find more things - a never ending stack in my life. We're imperfect. We make mistakes. We say things we shouldn't... but that's why we have Christ.