Monday, July 25, 2011

Things on My Mind

Yes... lots of things. Lots and lots of things. :)
There's only three more days until I turn 17. I told mom that I'm going to get up at 5:30 Thursday morning so that I'd have an hour to contemplate my life before my age turns. ^.^ I do these things. ^.^
Life's been very interesting lately - lots of stuff going on. I'm surprised at how much in my last week of 16! It's as if I'm hit with a bunch of big things just at this time.
The above photo is one I set up on a timer - this is my thinking spot. It's up at the barn, and yeah, it looks kinda uncomfortable, but it's actually very nice. :) I sit there every time I go to the barn. My thinking spot.

I was talking to a friend recently about having different faces for different people - it's a lie, and it's wrong. I mean, we all have a different show all the time for one reason or another; for example, we're more well behaved around other people than we are at home. However, when it gets to the point of a blunt lie, to where people can't tell the difference as to what's real and what's not, it's a problem. A line in a song comes to mind:
"I'm so sorry, but I love you - I just can't lie."
This could be taken two ways: I love you too much, so I'm not going to lie, or, I can't lie about loving you. I like to take it the first way.... we should love those around us too much to lie to them. It's doing them a harm - even if they deserve it, we shouldn't lie.

God's giving me such huge things to do. I feel slightly overwhelmed. But, they're good things. They're things He wants me to do and He thinks are good for me.
"Only if you want to can you seize the day, only if you want to will you fly away" - the lyrics from Enya's song Only If are playing. Only if you want to...
there's so many opportunities we miss because we're being selfish. Let's face it - we can do almost anything if we really want to. Which means we can do what God's called us to do - no matter how big.
Yesterday at church, I had a really good time with my friends - and one nailed how I was feeling. I was walking up and down the alley to the side of our church, taking it all in so that I'd describe it well in my book. I was in a strange mood. Very thoughtful. My friend came up and commented after I stated this, that I was in more of a 'melancholy ' mood. You know what? He was right. :) The definition: "A feeling of thoughtful sadness".

There's so many people in my life, and I love them all... some of them are brothers and sisters in Christ, and some of them need Him - and I pray for them. Very hard. Some are baby Christians, others are mature Christians that I look up to for advice, and others are right on my level, and we walk together.
My Best Friend mentioned the other day, while we were chatting about being 17, that we'd met when we were 14; she comments, "We've practically grown up together!" And she's right, in a lot of ways - no, we didn't know each other as babies, but, looking back, it almost seems like these have been the most important years. We've been together for our important years, and those years aren't over yet. (Of course, I'm not dismissing that the REALLY important years are the ones your parents spend teaching you the way you should go!) I'm just saying that the emotional years are the ones we've been together - and for me, the very important ones.
Sometimes, things that seem very small are the things that are very big to me. The call of a friend in need, the writing of a letter that I think is the most important I've written, the laughter of being with people you love, the dreams, the moments where everything's perfect, the times where God gives me a nudge and I know what He wants me to do... all of these things are the 'big' things for me.

I'm a happy girl, one with a lot of crazy, crazy, CRAZY emotions, but one that loves life and her Lord, and one that loves to be here for her friends and her family - yeah, one that can be a brat and a horrible person - but one that's saved by grace, through faith, in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Here's my response to all of this:

- Hannah

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