Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Flow of Thoughts
So far away... very far away. So far, but so close.
It's emotion, and it's spinning all around me. Day by day - so far away.
Life is complicated, but beautiful at the same time. I fall back against my floor and go into a lapse of thought - very deep into thought, my mind spinning. Why is the light so bright today? Why are the noises so loud? Why does my head hurt?
Hurting voices tear through my head, singing from the soul, and I wonder how people can pretend to be happy, when inside, they're hurting and wondering, even if they won't admit it.
I look outside the window and see the blue tinted evening. The sun is gone, leaving behind dim lights. Everything looks ghostly. The clouds in the distance, towering high, high in the sky, are highlighted by golds and pinks. The day's come to an end. A new one starts tomorrow.
Day by day, I wonder why. Day by day, I pray again and again.
Sometimes I'm so happy I can't stand it - I want to tear out the door into the grass, run, run, yell, spin, laugh. Other times my heart is heavy. I think. I just sit, think. Wonder.
I'm sitting here and I smile faintly. You're wonderful.
Because He's good to me, I have to trust... even though I don't know what happens. I have to. Even when I wonder why. Even though I fight and say, "It's too dark! Show me!" But I have to let Him lead me.
And these are the mess of thoughts flying through my head. I've simply let my fingers type the way. I apologize for the rambling. It may not make sense... but it does. Isn't that the way life goes most of the time?
A strong voice. And I say goodbye.